Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy

Report

November 18th 2014

“When did you know?” Foy asked, putting liberal amounts of brandy into his friend’s glass. “In the third grade, as preposterous as that sounds,” came the reply. “She stood there, in her blonde pigtails and blue dress at the front of the class, delivering the most erudite, confident book report on ‘The Necronomicon’ that I […]

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Web

November 17th 2014

whatwouldyousellyoursoulfor.com was an unmitigated success; the answers poured in via web and text and the Facebook page reached its maximum likes on the first day. The Devil sat watching the counters spin, giggling to himself and occasionally whipping the scribes for no reason; they were working as hard as they could, he was just antsy. […]

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Threat

November 15th 2014

“Stop, or I’ll tell!” Cindy whispered hoarsely. Sam extended his arm just a tiny bit more, the threat of dropping her doll to the entryway a story below them becoming real. “Tell them what?” he jeered. “That you were playing on the landing where you shouldn’t have been? That you were clumsy with grandma’s antique […]

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Nobly

November 14th 2014

Zell was a failure as a son, of course, for he rejected the counsel given him. He had seen the Jabberwock for himself (unbeknownst to his father) and found all words that spoke against her to be slander and rubbish. Zell had looked into her eyes of flame and lost himself to worlds beyond time […]

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Snow

November 13th 2014

He heard a sound and looked at the landing; a woman was there. She was agitated and urged him to stay home from work the following day – to not take the train for any reason. They spoke briefly and he thanked her, a chill of foreboding making the hairs of his arms stand up. […]

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Success

November 12th 2014

Rae looked at herself in the mirror, checking the blowout while the camera man got set up. Still reeling from getting the “Hippie Communes Redefines Success” story, she vowed to be extra ruthless going forward; she was totally hot enough for the evening news. “First, we acknowledged the fact that we die successfully 100% of […]

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Sporting

November 11th 2014

They saw Gordon walking to his truck, head to toe in camouflage with a rifle under one arm; they couldn’t resist pulling over. “Thought you was a pacifist, Gordy!” Bonheimer called out with a taunting smile on his oily, weasel-like face. “Yeah!” Prockman jeered. “Whatchoo gone catch with that rifle, Gordy?” “Idiots, mostly,” Gordon replied, […]

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Symptoms

November 10th 2014

Diane shuddered. “Are you sick?” Martha asked. “It’s not cold in here.” “No, I …,” Diane started, but Sarah interjected, “It’s probably your thyroid. I was cold all of the time before I started my thyroid medication.” “Uh … it’s not my thyroid, I …,” Diane said. “Menopause,” Nancy pronounced. “Seriously, it’s happened to all […]

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Surprises

November 8th 2014

“Madam?” he said, coming into the parlor. “Yes, Herrick?” she replied without looking up from her embroidery; the pornographic image was nearly complete and she intended to scandalize the vicar with it when he came for tea at 2pm. “The Trample-Wimplets have sent their man ‘round with a calling card that threatens a visit in […]

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Clouds

November 7th 2014

Kelly lay deep in the leaves staring up at the clouds in the sky. “I think of you every day,” she said softly. “I miss kidding around with you. I miss our laughs, our serious talks … your incredibly lame practical jokes.” The clouds formed stars and dogs and wormlike things above her; Kelly resisted […]

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