Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


February 13th 2017

Robert’s car pulled up and idled at the end of the driveway. He got out and stared at the house for a moment, then placed a bouquet of roses on the cement. “Oh, no! Have you two broken up?” Fran asked Sheila (after he’d driven away). “Not exactly, but sort of,” Sheila responded, sipping her […]

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Diary Pages: John Constantine

February 12th 2017

No. I don’t wonder. I don’t sit around thinking about what it would be like to be someone else, somewhere else, doing something else. I understand the temptation. But it’s fucking pointless. Hell will be there. Under all of the happiness you’re so convinced that other life would have. If it wasn’t already there, you’d […]

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February 11th 2017

“May I help you?” the clerk asked. “I’m shopping for a new heart,” Phillips replied. “Excellent,” the clerk responded. “We have a new heart-and-soul tandem design that’s very popular (if there’s a cause you long to put both into). We have our sleeve models, fully customizable, and, of course, our heart of gold in the […]

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February 10th 2017

“You okay?” one of the angels asked him. “I never know what to say to kids,” Death answered, hugging his coffee cup in the break room, his empty gaze pointed far, far away. “This morning, I was asked to personally guarantee that the afterlife wasn’t stupid.” “What?!?” the angel responded, shocked. “Based on a working […]

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February 9th 2017

He found her in the kitchen wearing her most opulent day dress (for visiting) and his butchering apron (that covered it to the floor). “Madame, is there … some difficulty?” Herrick asked carefully. “I can imagine the shock of finding me baking,” she responded, pulling a pan out of the oven and setting it on […]

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February 8th 2017

The wizard traveled, living many lives, bringing magic to many worlds, all with the intention of leaving the mistakes he’d made behind. “No more lying,” he whispered to himself. “No more subterfuge.” In each and every place, he coaxed reason from madness, settled the thorniest of disputes, and sacrificed much to various noble causes (while […]

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February 7th 2017

“What are YOU going to be when you grow up, Dora?” Mrs. Schultz asked sweetly. “An explorer – duh,” she replied to everyone’s delighted laughter. Mrs. Schultz gave her a thumbs up and moved on to ask Patrick and then Teresa. “Are you really going to be an explorer?” Ruiz whispered to Dora when the […]

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February 6th 2017

They opened the first bottle of champagne and prepared to toast. “I have to ask; forgive me,” Russell interjected and they all smiled. “You DID follow the burial instructions to the letter, yes? Down to the very last detail?” He looked at Emily, who sighed. “I’m sure the funeral director thought I was completely insane […]

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Diary Pages: Sherlock Holmes

February 5th 2017

Watson chides me for the syringe I keep in my writing drawer and, as a doctor, I would expect nothing less. He does not fail me. Yet, in liberties taken, he is incorrect in his assessment of cause and effect; there is no weakness that has bred addiction.
 The mind must remain clear while the […]

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February 4th 2017

“The transformation is not romantic,” Warren told the newbies (who were hanging on his every word), “and you will not have omnipotent power. The full moon does not beam your sorry behind into a high budget Hollywood film. Your bones will break; your cartilage will explode in order to reconfigure; your skin will shred; it […]

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