Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


September 12th 2017

It buzzed and clicked, its tentacles coiling and uncoiling, its singular opalescent eye scanning, ever scanning. John and Rachel crouched, trembling, in disbelief and fear. “I come in peace, of course,” it burbled, moving closer. “Uh … okay,” John said, trying to crawl backwards off of the picnic blanket while not looking like he was […]

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August 9th 2017

Travis stepped out of the front door with his bag, waving to the others in the car. “Sweet Jesus, what is he wearing?” Leon muttered. “The Skittles rainbow, apparently,” Catherine smirked. “How many years do you have to spend on this planet to assimilate into a nice, neutral palette?” Mark commented. Travis fumbled with his […]

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July 19th 2017

The little gray man buzzed as he spoke, the translator module affixed to his throat. “The universe, for all of its magnificence, is a place of chaos.” “I hear that,” Matt whispered, staring and wondering if he was dreaming. Moments ago, he’d been replacing rusted hardware on the Camp Mykennee picnic tables. “It is the […]

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June 8th 2017

“The traps are full,” Bob said, sitting down at the table. “Really? Wow. Full in less than 24 hours!” Terry responded, reaching over to pour him a glass of sangria. “We’ll have to put new ones out.” “You guys have ants, too?” Martha asked. “They’ve been terrible this year,” Wayne added. The aliens nodded, smiling, […]

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February 24th 2017

“He was smooth as glass – smooth as anything,” Nancy said dreamily. Robin sighed, thinking that Nancy (and every other female on the planet) had all of the luck. “And then he slipped a Rufi into my drink,” Nancy concluded. “WHAT?!? He did what?!?” Robin reacted, horrified. “I KNOW,” Nancy laughed. “My gawd! Did anything […]

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January 23rd 2017

“I think we’ve made tremendous progress on the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ stereotype; there’s growing societal acceptance,” Snowball said. “Yes, I agree,” Mr. Tibbets added, addressing the room. “I applaud Engineering’s continuing good work on baselining the quality of the simulacra!” “But how are we doing in terms of social media?” Fancy asked, shaking her right […]

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August 12th 2016

David sighed as he bagged most of the shoes in his closet. Behind him, boxes of new shoes waited to be laid out. A bag of ties sat near the bed, ready for a trip to the charity shop. The suits, the pants, the everything; David sighed again. Yesterday, someone at work had remarked that […]

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July 28th 2016

“They’re self-absorbed, melodramatic, prone to lying, given to extreme delusion, pervasively ignorant, unenlightened, divisive, predatory, and unspeakably violent,” 112 said into the transmitter. “And you, 463? Your findings?” came the reply. “Uh … yes,” 463 responded, “they are all of those things, plus loving, creative, self-aware (and, therefore, apologetic), adventurous, incredibly funny, and occasionally noble.” […]

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July 1st 2016

The world leaders gathered to greet the aliens as they landed (not just one race, but many, as if to mirror the diversity of Earth). One by one, they were welcomed, thanked, and shown the best in global hospitality. The aliens, moved, were gracious, kind, and endlessly patient as they worked through the rudimentary translators […]

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May 19th 2016

“I’ve been up there,” Smith said, pointing to the wing, “and it’s not an applied design.” “What?” Porter shouted above the noise of the planes. “It’s not applied!” Smith yelled. “Not painted on! Not a decal! Nobody got up there and did anything to the exterior of the planes!” Porter took him by the elbow […]

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