Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


February 10th 2017

“You okay?” one of the angels asked him. “I never know what to say to kids,” Death answered, hugging his coffee cup in the break room, his empty gaze pointed far, far away. “This morning, I was asked to personally guarantee that the afterlife wasn’t stupid.” “What?!?” the angel responded, shocked. “Based on a working […]

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February 6th 2017

They opened the first bottle of champagne and prepared to toast. “I have to ask; forgive me,” Russell interjected and they all smiled. “You DID follow the burial instructions to the letter, yes? Down to the very last detail?” He looked at Emily, who sighed. “I’m sure the funeral director thought I was completely insane […]

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January 31st 2017

She gave him a mug of tea (matte black, inside and out). He looked carefully around the room trying not to stare; there were blackout curtains on all of the windows; low-finished woodgrain flooring had been recently installed over what he could only assume was vinyl (given the age of the house and its kitchen); […]

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December 17th 2016

“In life,” the executor read aloud, “I paid you to care. I did it willingly; I understood the arrangement.” Charles shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I was pleased to offer you an education. I felt it was my distinct obligation to provide bail money. And, as far as lessons repeatedly learned, I thought I should […]

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November 30th 2016

“I just don’t want to die in a stupid way,” he said, wringing his hands. “I just don’t want that to be the only thing memorable about me.” The old gypsy woman smiled slightly. “You will have a long life … ” “Okay, but I don’t want to die on the toilet or roll off […]

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November 24th 2016

Aron stopped at the kiosk and asked for the key. Moving slowly and respectfully, he paused to offer a little bow at several of the other gates (including the heroes and the little ones) while moving to the back corner of the grounds. Carefully balancing his tray, Aron unlocked the iron gate and slipped quietly […]

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November 9th 2016

“Wakey, wakey,” War said in a singsong voice, nudging Famine’s sleeping bag with his boot. “There’s coffee and cakey.” “You are an asshole,” Famine muttered, sitting up slowly. “I second that,” Pestilence mumbled, also sitting up and rubbing its face. War laughed. “Breakfast, then horses, with infamy on the horizon!” it said cheerily, pouring the […]

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November 1st 2016

“So how was The Veil last night?” her mom asked (in a voice flat and tinged with sarcasm). “At its thinnest,” Lisa replied with a smile (used to that voice and not giving in to negativity). “Aunt Lois says ‘hi’.” “Oh, come on,” her mom said, turning abruptly to start in. Lisa held a hand […]

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September 29th 2016

The angel sighed as it sat. It had played two cutthroat rounds of strip Gin Rummy, quilted a Christmas square, argued politics over beer and popcorn, skateboarded at breakneck speed through an empty office park, buried three stockpiles of ill-gotten gains, wrestled a gator, and had consumed enough spice cake for several eternities. “Long day?” […]

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September 8th 2016

After he’d gone, it was found that the poet had left them words – to a man, the very ones that would calm their angers, dispel their sadnesses, and free their dreams from the confines of doubt. Some used the words from that moment forward, carving new paths for themselves and leaving for history all […]

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