Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


March 1st 2017

“You’re a long way from Denmark,” the gentleman on the doorstep said, showing his badge. She sighed and gestured for him enter. “Rumored to be the happiest place on earth,” he continued, moving into the living room and sitting down. “Expert marketing,” she said with a smile, “and nothing more.” “Bad enough that you faked […]

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February 18th 2017

“Prep times on Delmer and Common?” the director asked him. “Delmer is ready whenever. Common … ready at 5pm today.” Thomas hung up, and went into the kitchen to finish his lunch. He thought about Leslie Common, the way her hope had failed (leading to a decision that would take her body with it), and […]

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February 16th 2017

At the gravesite, they salted the earth and marked the gravestone with an extra coffin nail to show they’d applied precautions. Frank looked away and was comforted by Dot’s sister, cousin, and two friends from work. “I’m fine,” he told them. “I understand that it wouldn’t be my Dot that came back. I’m okay.” Late […]

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February 10th 2017

“You okay?” one of the angels asked him. “I never know what to say to kids,” Death answered, hugging his coffee cup in the break room, his empty gaze pointed far, far away. “This morning, I was asked to personally guarantee that the afterlife wasn’t stupid.” “What?!?” the angel responded, shocked. “Based on a working […]

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February 6th 2017

They opened the first bottle of champagne and prepared to toast. “I have to ask; forgive me,” Russell interjected and they all smiled. “You DID follow the burial instructions to the letter, yes? Down to the very last detail?” He looked at Emily, who sighed. “I’m sure the funeral director thought I was completely insane […]

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January 31st 2017

She gave him a mug of tea (matte black, inside and out). He looked carefully around the room trying not to stare; there were blackout curtains on all of the windows; low-finished woodgrain flooring had been recently installed over what he could only assume was vinyl (given the age of the house and its kitchen); […]

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December 17th 2016

“In life,” the executor read aloud, “I paid you to care. I did it willingly; I understood the arrangement.” Charles shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I was pleased to offer you an education. I felt it was my distinct obligation to provide bail money. And, as far as lessons repeatedly learned, I thought I should […]

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November 30th 2016

“I just don’t want to die in a stupid way,” he said, wringing his hands. “I just don’t want that to be the only thing memorable about me.” The old gypsy woman smiled slightly. “You will have a long life … ” “Okay, but I don’t want to die on the toilet or roll off […]

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November 24th 2016

Aron stopped at the kiosk and asked for the key. Moving slowly and respectfully, he paused to offer a little bow at several of the other gates (including the heroes and the little ones) while moving to the back corner of the grounds. Carefully balancing his tray, Aron unlocked the iron gate and slipped quietly […]

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November 9th 2016

“Wakey, wakey,” War said in a singsong voice, nudging Famine’s sleeping bag with his boot. “There’s coffee and cakey.” “You are an asshole,” Famine muttered, sitting up slowly. “I second that,” Pestilence mumbled, also sitting up and rubbing its face. War laughed. “Breakfast, then horses, with infamy on the horizon!” it said cheerily, pouring the […]

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