Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


January 31st 2018

“Wait … that last one … was that Latin?” the third asked. “Yep,” replied the second, “totally Latin.” “Expertly conjugated,” added the first. “So, in the last two hours, we’ve heard all of the romance languages in their Old and Middle versions, what might be Aramaic, a tear in Russian, several curses that may or […]

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December 9th 2017

He came into the great hall, moving quickly with the bold step of a young man. He stood tall and stately, warming his hands at the hearth fire, adjusting his cuffs. “You’re looking marvelous,” she said, resting her book in her lap, noting his high color and the shine of his dark hair. “Are you […]

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November 2nd 2017

“You’ve been gone for two days,” she said crossly. “I lost track of time,” he responded, looking at the floor sheepishly. “Did you binge?” she interrogated. “You look a fright.” “I … did not,” he answered, taking a couple of careful steps into the room. “I have lived so long … I … the days […]

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September 11th 2017

“So … uh … so a little bit confusing here,” the lawyer said. “In the breach, records going back an impossible number of years returned attached to you, so … ” “How many years?” he asked, controlling the urge to smile. “Well, really a stupid amount … clearly, your information was compromised, even corrupted in […]

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August 11th 2017

He stared at the new recruits, his eyes blazing; they shuddered involuntarily, refused to meet his gaze. He ranted for several moments in long dead languages, then turned into a horrible creature with expansive leathery wings and flung himself mercilessly against the stone walls of the great hall. They gasped and clung to each other, […]

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June 9th 2017

Elisabeth looked at her right side then her left, crestfallen. “They’re not feathery,” she said, her eyes glistening. “No,” Dracula said gently. “And they’re black … they’re jet black,” she added, a tear escaping onto her cheek. “Yes,” he responded, taking her into his arms, “they’re black.” “It’s not what I imagined,” Elisabeth sobbed into […]

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March 17th 2017

They watched him mesmerize the girl, her eyes growing wide and then soft and unfocused. He leaned in tenderly to put his lips against her throat. “You see that my hands rest gently on her shoulders, neither clutching nor dragging her closer to me,” Dracula said aloud. “I do not need her body to balance […]

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February 3rd 2017

They sat together in companionable silence. A fire had been lit in the great hall; he was online reading the news of the world while Livia spun, Petra crocheted, and Catherine struggled with her embroidery. “Shit!” she exclaimed, driving the needle deep into her finger for the third time. “Language!” Dracula chided, not even turning […]

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January 19th 2017

“There is one other location,” Janosz told the new servants, who clung to each other in the middle of the basement room, staring at the rows of coffins. “H-h-how many wives does he have?” one asked, trembling. “These and one more,” Janosz replied. They would adjust or they would not, and – if they did […]

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January 6th 2017

“C’mere,” Esmeralda whispered to Borger, gesturing that he should follow her into the bathroom. “Exactly what kind of help do you need?” Borger answered drolly, cracking a smile. “Ass,” she replied. “Get. In. Here.” Checking to make sure that no one was coming down the passage, he stepped forward through the doorway. “Look look look,” […]

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