Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


May 15th 2017

She hit “Send” and sighed. This was hard (much harder than she thought) and it was getting old. “Maybe no more personals ads,” she said to herself. “I’m just not meeting the right kind of people.” She poured milk onto her cereal and sat down to eat it. “Same thing every time,” she whispered. “It […]

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April 5th 2017

When Rigbee woke up, he pitched left and got sick all over the pavement; he spent the next few minutes getting his bearings before standing and moving on. In patting himself down, Rigbee discovered an envelope that had been tucked into his right coat pocket between two rag wraps he used for gloves. It contained […]

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Letters from Krampus #6

December 25th 2016

Dear Diary, I don’t know if there’s enough ibuprofen on the face of the earth to tackle this backache. Sheesh, what a haul. I sometimes wonder, “Am I not scary enough?” Hello! Living embodiment of your consequences here! Comeuppance city! Sackings and beatings galore! HELLO?!? Sigh. I don’t mind my job; I really don’t. It’s […]

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Letters from Krampus #5

December 18th 2016

Dear Debbie, Golly, I don’t know how I’ve made it until now without your process improvement recommendations. This last, oh, thousand years, I’ve just really coasted by on a wing and a prayer in the productivity department; the diagram really drove that home in a big way (thanks for covering all of the bases in […]

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Letters from Krampus #4

December 11th 2016

Dear Nika, I’m glad you wrote to me. I completely understand the situation and I am not going to sack your brother for stealing a package of cheese slices at Walmart. And I am not going to sack you instead (it doesn’t work that way and you haven’t done anything wrong). I spoke to Nick/Santa […]

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December 5th 2016

“His gift will change philology forever, and I do not make that claim lightly,” Rupert said, standing, to the gathering of his colleagues. “I have seen the material and I … was left speechless.” Dr. Meier spoke up. “Is it true? About the Hurrian? Someone … something … wrote to him in a dialect of […]

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Letters from Krampus #3

December 4th 2016

Dear Mark, Yes, I have more than one sack to stuff children into and, yes, they have different designs. No, you cannot have photographs of the sacks to pick the one you like best. Now, I’m impressed that you’ve accepted getting the sack this year and you seem to be trying to make the best […]

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Letters from Krampus #2

November 27th 2016

Dear Courtney, Thank you for your philosophical essay on the nature of evil, culminating in the supported premise that the innate goodness of all beings makes their sacking at my hands a violation of natural law. Wow. You should eat more fiber and get that out. Now that I’ve taken a couple of aspirin and […]

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Letters from Krampus #1

November 20th 2016

Dear Diary, Six weeks until Christmas. I just … I can’t even. Arrived today at the North Pole; no one noticed I’d had my hooves and horns done. Same dark, cave-like room, same uniform, same stupid sack. Gawd, I miss Florida so much; I would kill for a pineapple freezie right now. Three bags of […]

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Letters from Management #38

November 13th 2016

Loki, Please stop writing “Ragnarok Rules!” on everything. We’re trying to focus on the days ahead and stay positive here. There is much to be done – much that will require concentration and collaboration. This kind of thing does not make you an anarchist; it makes you an idiot. You’re rumored to die in the […]

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