Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy

See

February 14th 2018

“I need a love spell,” Ed whispered, pushing a wad of twenties across the table. The old woman smiled. “To bring love close or send love away?” she asked him. “Uh … to bring it close,” Ed answered with a blush. They sat in silence for what seemed an eternity before the old woman pushed […]

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Conjugation

January 31st 2018

“Wait … that last one … was that Latin?” the third asked. “Yep,” replied the second, “totally Latin.” “Expertly conjugated,” added the first. “So, in the last two hours, we’ve heard all of the romance languages in their Old and Middle versions, what might be Aramaic, a tear in Russian, several curses that may or […]

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Cupcake

January 27th 2018

Samantha opened the front door and gasped to see an envelope taped there. “What the hell?” she muttered, irritated. Tearing it down and ripping it open, she read: “You are hereby notified that I like you when you’re in a mood, when you’re hair’s a mess, when you’re so amped up on bad gas station […]

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Backup

January 16th 2018

Tom’s backup brain sat on the shelf in the den, taking it all in. Through its preservation environment, it used limited sense access to ascertain that Tom had almost completely botched this first life (the functioning capacity of the Primary Unit). All data related to physical maintenance, intellectual growth, emotional stability, and spiritual synergy rated […]

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Meeting

January 12th 2018

Bean sat very still on his perch near the window, waiting. He jingled the little bell softly and spun the sparkly thingies round and round. Soon, a small hawk landed on the deck railing and peered in, bobbing and turning its head from side to side in greeting. Bean chewed a piece of rope; the […]

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Unfair

January 4th 2018

Roger groaned and Barb laughed. She held out her hand to read the note he’d found in his pocket and he complied, handing it over. “The werewolf thing … I took that on because I love you and I’m not sorry. We got this whole “full moon” crap figured out. BUT … if you EVER […]

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Complete

December 25th 2017

Mrs. Claus came up from the basement smiling; her long silver hair was loose and spilling over her shoulder, her red lipstick perfect above a vintage Cure t-shirt with slim black jeans tucked into her favorite boots. Santa was there (in the kitchen), his salt-and-pepper hair mussed from sleep, in a muscle shirt and Joe […]

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Festive

December 23rd 2017

“What the …?” Lenora sputtered, watching Dave wander into the clearing. He kicked up his hind legs, dancing under the full moon, three jingle bells tied to his tail. “I get a point for being festive,” Dave said merrily, giving his best Moon Moon grin. “And get docked 10 points for wrecking any chance we […]

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Passion

December 18th 2017

On the park bench, Lorelei swooned, falling into Wallace’s arms with no hesitation and kissing him passionately. “Cripes,” one guardian angel said, turning away. “There are no points awarded for licking her tonsils,” the other added, watching with disgust. A soft laugh was heard in the bushes and she stepped forward, her red hair glowing […]

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Perfect

December 15th 2017

“I could make you so happy,” Chris said, snuggling close. “I really like you and I think we’re on the same page.” She smiled back cautiously. “I mean, we’ve both been in tough relationships, so we’re ready for something perfect.” Another smile, hesitant, with a tiny flinch on the last word. “I would do anything […]

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