Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy

Wager

January 11th 2017

“Wait … wait … yep! Here comes one!” said Kirk. “This one’s mine!” Spock yelled. “Wooooooo! California plates! You dawg!” Bones yelled into the wind encouragingly. “I wager 300 quatloos the Chevy takes out a mailbox,” Spock started. “100 quatloos against,” said Kirk. “No wager!” Bones said, closing the bidding round. They watched the car […]

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Whack Job

October 1st 2016

“First whack job work of October,” Mel said to the other cameraman while setting up. “Yep, and the freak train will just keep rolling from here through the elections,” he replied. They laughed. As filming began, however, Mel noticed that the coven members were just normal people like himself and the High Priestess looked like […]

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Veto

May 21st 2016

“I think we should put ‘Gourmet Thin’ on Set 4; lots of room and we can easily move the kitchen suite over from 8,” Pascal proposed, making notes on his clipboard. “Why wouldn’t we just film it on 8? Why move everything? That seems unnecessary,” Burns replied, confused. “Not a good idea to film any […]

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Intern

February 25th 2016

The new intern arrived on location with the coffee order. “Here we see a property with almost unlimited potential. The bones of this place are fantastic, but it’s been ruined by years of trendy interior decorating and overwrought landscaping,” said the television host. The intern stood behind Camera One looking confused; the place was beautiful. […]

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Teeth

December 16th 2015

The Bumble loafed along, gumming his food and putting stars on top of giant trees, undisturbed by the turn of events and happy to be helpful. One day moved calmly and considerately into the next, until the Bumble saw “Star Wars”. He stared at the Wookie, transfixed, his mind a jumble, his heart in a […]

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Haunted

October 14th 2015

Lights flickered; doors opened by themselves; creaks (like footsteps) were heard on the attic and basement stairs; cold drafts were felt in every room. The owners of the house screamed, cried, called in people to help them, but eventually fled. The house shrugged. “Clearly clueless,” it said, watching them run to their cars and peel […]

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Imaginary

September 29th 2015

He didn’t understand; why couldn’t they see? After the first few attempts at introducing his friend and then having to endure their laughter and smiles and ridiculous songs about happiness and make believe, he just stopped trying. “But …,” he said softly to himself, “he’s right there! He’s enormous; he’s almost impossible to miss!” Mr. […]

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Solution

August 27th 2015

“Where are those guys from ‘Supernatural’ when you need them?” Schultz said under his breath. The coroner slid up behind him, watching his minions bag and tag. “Obviously, this is a homicide,” he said. “Mm hmm,” Schultz answered, trying to remember the first episodes in Season One. “Good luck,” said the coroner, moving away with […]

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Homicide

July 22nd 2015

Olson lifted the yellow tape and crossed under it. “You guys call Special Investigations?” he asked the first cop. “Sure did; got us the most gruesome homicide I’ve ever seen,” came the response. “Come this way,” he continued, leading Olson onto the all-too-familiar set. “Any clues about the perp?” Olson asked. “A suspect has been […]

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Characters

March 25th 2015

“And how are we using our genius today?” Stark called out to Banner as he entered the room. Banner laughed and paused Netflix. “Well, today, I’m mapping our earth-saving superforce to the characters in ‘Archer’.” Stark paused, intrigued. “Well, Lana is easy.” Banner nodded. “And I’m obviously Archer …” “You could also be Krieger,” Banner […]

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