Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 13-11-2013
It was Van Helsing who spun the tale, making “Dracula” something elegant as well as lethal – giving him a human face, some cunning, and a castle with servants. He fed the contrivance to that Irishman, fueling his imagination and birthing a legend; anything to feel less like a pest exterminator and more like the savior of the free (and living) world. “Where are you?” the old man muttered near the trap he’d set at the back of the public cemetery in Prague. Soon, the vampire would show itself: a blind, hideous, and grub-like thing worming up through the dirt, it’s lamprey mouth eager to latch onto any leg.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 04-11-2013
When her Ephram passed, Liza Hamish moved down to Florida to live in the same retirement community as her sister. She bought a bright, cheery double-wide on a permanent foundation with 2 bedrooms and a jacuzzi on the deck; it was almost perfect. Before moving in, however, Liza had an interior panic room installed (complete with false ceiling). Criminals posed no real threat, but a hurricane could take the roof right off and she had to plan for that; it wouldn’t do to have the after storm sun suddenly shining down onto the lid during the day, when she was at her most vulnerable.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 17-10-2013
Coffin shipping and storage were really the greatest hurdle to a successful vampire family reunion. Next, how to give the oldest, most ornate sarcophagus its proper prominence. Finally, exactly where to put Cletus in his truly embarrassing rhinestone-encrusted and pink-shag-carpeted Vegas double wide.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 06-09-2013
Shelly stepped off of the bus wearing designer everything and smiling like she didn’t have a care in the world. Her friends were immediately pelting her with questions. “Yep, things were bad,” she laughed over lunch, “but I found a talent for the world’s second oldest profession.” They stared at her, stunned. “SECOND oldest,” she chided them, making a face. “I’m a vampire donor. Pays tons and tons more than plasma and all I have to do is drink lots of water and follow an eating chart. Today, I need to have Thai food.” They still sat, open-mouthed, but Shelly just shrugged it off, adjusted the scarf around her neck, and tucked in.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 15-07-2013
“No! No!” Spielberg said, laughing so hard he began to snort. “Vampire aliens carrying the zombie plague arrive to conquer Earth through body possession!” He had tears in his eyes. “Now, THAT’S a reboot of E.T. for ya!” Inside the meat suit of his friend, Brian, Zlarg nodded gravely, trying to smile. He would have to send a telepathic message to his commander relaying that their plans had been discovered.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 03-07-2013
They lurked in the alley just outside of the side door to the theater showing the “Twilight” triple feature. The Strigoi came, squat and hideous, and also the Nosferat, gaunt and ratlike, with Becky Studemann, the energy vampire, who could suck your soul out with stories about her two cats, Donut and Muffin. They waited. It was a silent protest of Hollywood’s continued stereotyping of their kind and, hey, free buffet.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 23-05-2013
The Night Therapist turned on the light in her office and a green glow spread dimly across the room. Looking at her appointment book, she sighed. “Snaggletooth” at midnight: a nosferatu dealing with the low self-esteem only Hollywood could create (victims were always so disappointed that he wasn’t handsome and romantic); “Fleabag” at 1am: there was a widespread bullying problem within the werewolf clans; and “See-through” at 2am: having trouble resting in peace when it’d spent its entire life feeling invisible anyway. She sighed again as she felt the temperature in the room drop slightly. “Come in!” she called out in an even and welcoming tone.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 07-05-2013
Dracula addressed his three new wives with great warmth and sincerity. “I have joined you each to me because of your intelligence, humor, talents, and singular, unique beauty – all of which are beyond question.” They smiled at him in the candlelight. “Therefore,” and here his voice took on a sharper edge, “I will tolerate discussion around shape and weight for only the first year of our vast eternity together so that you might overcome this unfortunate societal tendency.” He looked them in the eyes, moving across the table. “After that, if the obsession continues, I will stake you myself.” They gasped while he uncorked a bottle of 1729 Itinerant Poet. “Such conversation is tedious and utterly beneath us, my dears.”
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 29-04-2013
The miles of deserted high rises, shops, and schools in a heavily forested ring were perfect for the influx when it began. (Amusing how the photographers had been so fixated on capturing the deserted rooms and street rubble over the years that no one had bothered to open the closets in those supposedly empty buildings.) The old ones hidden near the silos of the reactor when the problem occurred had mutated significantly, although it was a treat for the young ones to see those now 110-foot wingspans take to the sky. Vampirekind had their own city at last, renamed to their liking, although the rest of the world continued to call it Chernobyl.
Filed Under (Microfiction) by Tansy on 24-04-2013
They had always known, of course. Why else would there be an angry person or mob set against them in every town (which, for any other reason, wouldn’t make any sense)? How could he disappear for hours at a time when they were packed into every car, bus, train, and rocket like sardines? What could better explain why women found such a droll and whiny guy irresistible? Discovering him in the middle of dispatching one of the old guys from the balcony was little more than visual confirmation. It was unanimously decided that they would protect their friend, go with the flow, and make millions … and The Muppets’ “Dracula” was born.