Mindfulness

A breakfast of vodka and Pop Tarts down the hatch, the man walked his dog to the forest at the edge of town and let her go, snickering as he climbed the hill and threw the poop bag into the ancient wishing well. "Here's me giving the last of my shits!" he howled with laughter down into the darkness of the well (without it registering that he did not, in fact, hear the baggy hit any kind of bottom). Once home, the man slept the day away. And the well, accepting his offering to Karma with the greatest and most tender solemnity, turned its full attention to the actions at hand. The dog was rescued later in the day and put a paw on the path towards her very best life. The man, it was decided, should never be bereft of shits (as mindfulness was key to both growth and enlightenment), and so learned of his acute and explosive intestinal ulcerative condition the next morning, at a job interview.