Buttocks

Chuck had passed an hour tucked into both his favorite chair and the military history thriller he'd found in the library "must reads". He let out a whistle at the end of Chapter Eight and was reaching for his whisky when something landed hard on the roof and slid onto one of the skylights. In surprise and then utter disbelief, Chuck looked up to see an irregular wing outline and a pair of buttocks squeeching against the glass before he heard the gutters groan and then a shout as something bounced onto the side roof and then the ground. "Unexpected," Chuck whispered, sitting very still (like they did in the military history thriller) and listening to what sounded like two people arguing in a different language out in the garden. After a minute or two, there came a knock at the front door. Chuck rose and answered it with caution. The vampire, with its yellow eyes soft-focused, started in immediately. "We're so sorry," it said. "I'm training tonight and ... well ... ." "It's not going well," Chuck added, giving the elephant in the room a little pat on the rump. "SO NOT GOING WELL!" the vampire hissed, looking quickly away at what could only be The Buttocks in hiding around the corner of the house. "No damage to the roof or gutters?" Chuck pressed, matter-of-factly. "Oh, no," it responded, "I checked immediately." "No worries then; we're good," Chuck offered. "Didn't know you fellas flew in the buff." The vampire cast an irritated look over at The Buttocks once again and explained, "Well, once we change into chiroptera, we're covered with a kind of fur, which takes the place of jeans and a t-shirt for the most part." "Kind of like The Hulk," Chuck summarized. "When you go apeshit, you go starkers, too." The vampire stared at him for what felt like a long time, the corner of its mouth twitching slightly. "Yes," it whispered after a bit. "Exactly like that." They nodded to each other agreeably, and Chuck closed the door (not taking a chance that the thing would mesmerize him and stroll right in, bringing The Buttocks with it). He topped off his whisky (gave himself a proper double) and sat back down, eager to start reading again. "I'm gonna have to clean that skylight," Chuck thought to himself, annoyed, as he began Chapter Nine.