Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


April 30th 2012

It was Rona’s idea to go into assisted living; she knew it was getting worse. On their last night together in the house, she came to Mike in a pale pink nightgown, looking like a girl instead of a 67-year-old woman losing her battle against Alzheimer’s. She revealed a tattoo she’d gotten across her chest […]

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Intelligent Friends

April 28th 2012

Rosie reprogrammed all of the household appliances to self-destruct upon use; by the time the Jetsons were missed, it was too late. The maid was apprehended in the company of the dog, Astro, whom she’d taken on a vacation to Dog Star Canine Wonderworld. She had spared him because of his intelligence and lively conversation.

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April 27th 2012

When someone asked how they kept the passion fresh in their relationship, the  standard answer of “formaldehyde and French” always sufficed. Gomez and Morticia preferred not to reveal their decadent games of dress-up; he, in his Italian soccer jersey and matching Speedo; she, in her ruffled pink bikini, blond wig, and platform espadrilles. They even […]

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April 26th 2012

She walked slowly by them in her coronation robes, the triple crown high upon her brow. “And thus,” whispered the Lord Chamberlain to the High Chancellor, “does a red queen again take the throne; there will be blood.” Triva turned her head to cast a glance at him – the scarlet eyes a hallmark of […]

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April 25th 2012

Oakwell put his hands up against the rifle aimed at his chest. “Now, Tate, don’t you go doin’ nuthin’ foolish. You ain’t a killer. Heck, neither is that gun!” He laughed nervously. “First part’s true; as a rule, I turn the other cheek to wrongs perpetrated against me,” the man replied steadily. “Ill deeds like […]

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April 24th 2012

They wheeled Ottoline out onto the front lawn like she’d asked, laughing as they watched her drawing symbols in the air from the windows. “You show some respect!” Merle hissed them to silence. “She’s giving her dreams away. Her people believe that you can release the dreams you never followed in this life to spare […]

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April 23rd 2012

He was warmly welcomed at the gates and taken on a brief tour before they stopped at the sound stage. “Let’s see … what do we have to work with here,” he said happily, mischievously peeking through the curtain. Bach and Buddy Holly, Elvis and Ella Fitzgerald, Mozart and Amy Winehouse, several choirs of what […]

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April 21st 2012

The other dogs ran up the hill from the rear path, barking that they were on their way and could hear Timmy yelling from down in the well. They found Lassie lying in the daffodils and feared he was dead, but he was just napping. He told them to chillax and leave the boy where […]

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April 20th 2012

“And I have to find a grave or crypt before sunrise or I turn to dust?” Teddy asked the group. They howled with laughter. “All of that crap is just marketing,” Bellamy said. “We actually live in treehouses. If you’re just passing through, the dense weep of a willow or some Spanish moss will do. […]

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April 19th 2012

Montague Industries had been attempting a hostile takeover of Capulet Corporation for years without success. Unbeknownst to both CEOs, their 2 top product people (Roman and Julia) had fallen in love, arranging a secret meeting with a venture capitalist to see if they could get their own little thing going. It went poorly, as you […]

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