Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy


August 31st 2013

Connie got out her pocket knife to carve the heart and their initials when her left knee suddenly bent forward and she collapsed. “Stop!” yelled a young mother holding a tiny baby, who grabbed the knife and shoved it into the nearest trash receptacle. “If you want to immortalize your love, get a tattoo! DO […]

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August 30th 2013

The fourth little pig had brains aplenty, so he built his house out of a bamboo polymer with titanium buttresses and a two-story “panic pyramid” forming the central core of the structure. When the wolf finally came, he huffed and he puffed until he blacked out. He tried again and again until overwhelmed with exhaustion […]

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August 29th 2013

The mirror hung there, wondering about the karmic repercussions of his life. Every day, the same thing: seeing into the window of her soul, then lying about being the fairest. “I’m going to pay for every lie,” he told himself miserably. Then he thought of the magic hand mirror and how it had attempted to […]

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Self Care

August 28th 2013

He laid there in the cool dark, willing the headache to go away. He had probably aggravated it when he’d crushed the pager with his mind, but the damn thing kept going off. “It’s like no one else has a freaking brain,” he whispered to the blackness. He needed sleep. He needed an honest-to-God vacation. […]

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August 27th 2013

When Death arrived, Sebastian Leed was waiting – propped up carefully on his Asian divan. “And here you are!” he said warmly. “Such a great look for you, but … it could be so much greater.” Leed gestured shakily to a costume form nearby. “It’s you, Sugar.” A robe created in rich black brocade hung […]

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August 26th 2013

A face appeared at the door. “Miss Cabot? He’s here.” Emmaline Cabot smiled over at Ruth, who was sitting vigil at the edge of the bed. “Em, I don’t know if this is a good idea; you’re so weak.” “Can’t get much weaker than dead,” Emmaline replied with a wry laugh, “and I’m not worried […]

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The Undercryptic Lexicon Book of Midnight Poetry: Poem #10

August 25th 2013

LINE 1:  The Hopefuls took their places and, when the whistle blew, they soared. LINE 2:  [your addition] Tansy’s answer:  “Lemmings,” said Miranda (unimpressed and clearly bored). (Post your own answers and read the genius of others on the Tansy Undercrypt Facebook page here.)

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August 24th 2013

“Uh,” said the president, shocked at the alien’s stark honesty. “Your intention is to pack your ship with humans and then leave?” “Yes,” it replied, “as a courtesy.” “A courtesy?” “Yes. We know of several planets that would be comfortable for your lifeforms.” “And we need to relocate why?” The alien face puckered in shock. […]

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August 23rd 2013

Dogs would last three or four months before running away; they would miss messiness, goofy fun, and sloppy affection too much to stay put. In contrast, cats found their Stepford humans and lodgings superior in every way; their self-grooming was appreciated, the environs were immaculate, and meals were presented on a reliable schedule. It was […]

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August 22nd 2013

Toby concentrated so as not to grin like a crazy person. He loved riding in elevators – loved the way the passengers smelled (their hair and skin). It made his prong teeth itch behind the costume dentures; his poisonous throat filaments and digestive hooks trembled ever-so-slightly with anticipation. “Soon,” Toby told himself silently. Soon, he […]

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