Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy

Reprogramming

November 30th 2013

“I’m certain that I’d hate my thighs less if I went to the gym four times a week instead of three,” Gloria said to the others. “If all else fails, I can get liposuction,” she continued and Marta groaned. “I could schedule that the same week as my facelift,” Gloria pressed on. Red-faced, Elizabeth reached […]

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Service

November 29th 2013

Vern went to the back of station and punched out, his eyes squinting through a filthy window in the workshop to the sunset now in progress. He finally had enough tenure here that he didn’t have to pump gas on the night shift, and he allowed a sigh of relief to escape him. Vern hated […]

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Ending

November 27th 2013

She looked out at the sea of faces; most were personally known to her and certainly all were well-known to the world. “What I am suggesting,” the Evil Queen began, “is that we do not undertake life or death battles, but rather fake our own ends.” Maleficent raised her eyes from her glass, intrigued. “We […]

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Spring

November 26th 2013

As the people arrived, parked, and began to unpack their picnic stuffs, the field of flowers that stretched before them began to wave softly in the gentle breeze. The daffodils lifted their faces to the sunshine, the wild freesia swayed and released its intoxicating scent, and the country roses flooded the eye with luscious pinks […]

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Fabric

November 25th 2013

Eugene knew that they stared at him, an old man sitting on the porch with knitting needles and no yarn methodically poking at the air. It was all right. “Now, let’s see here,” he murmured. “Ah … let’s start with you.” He tucked into the fabric of reality and pulled out a frayed and colorless […]

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The Undercryptic Lexicon Mad Liberties #3

November 24th 2013

They used a Ouija Board to contact Bertie about the (NOUN). “(SENTENCE),” Ted Mackleshacks pronounced. The board token began to move (ADVERB). “(SENTENCE),” Bertie replied from the grave – and the others fell about the place. Tansy’s answers:  whiskey stash; “The party simply must go on without you!”; strategically; “You still owe me twenty bucks, […]

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Waking

November 23rd 2013

Alice muttered to herself about her day and the loathsome people in it, her coat collar pulled up high to block out the wind and her gloved hands shoved defiantly and deeply into pockets. “Effers,” she said out loud to no one, her heels clomping against the sidewalk in a kind of march. Out of […]

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Encounter

November 22nd 2013

“A ship is coming through the rift, Sir!” the lieutenant called out, signaling a battle yet to be. All eyes were riveted to the viewer, expecting to see the familiar silhouette of the enemy emerge. The thing coming through the space gate was not a ship, however; it undulated and oozed, its massive tentacles and […]

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Apology

November 21st 2013

“And I’d like to apologize sincerely, Robin,” Batman said, staring intently into the video camera, “for dressing you as bait. I thought that getup would call out criminal freaks like a bag of money sitting unattended in the street.” All eyes turned to Robin in the room as he audibly gasped. He’d had no idea; […]

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Eternity

November 20th 2013

Robert arrived at the Pearly Gates amazed, marveling at “making it” after all that he’d done. On the other side, people relaxed with the animals who had once been in their care in a warm bliss of gentle sunshine and obvious tranquility. Susan groaned and started to cry. Robert turned to notice his wife for […]

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