Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy

Prudence

January 31st 2014

They hid at the edge of the forest and watched the pigs bustle about. “Not these,” said Snout after a moment. “Let’s keep looking.” “Are you crazy? These are perfect!” Teeth replied, his eyes glittering as he took in the three round, pink, and tantalizing targets. “Dude, there is something wrong with these pigs. Why […]

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End

January 30th 2014

The first emerged from the building, eyes blinking in the bright sunshine and feet shuffling. “Hello (hello hello), is there anybody in there?” one squeaked barely above a whisper. “Just nod if you can hear me,” came the panting of another, unusually bent and pale. “You are only coming through in waves,” mumbled two more, […]

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Perfection

January 29th 2014

“I just got tired, man,” Bullseye said quietly. “Always hit, never miss … who can really live under THAT banner of perfection? The OCD was killing me.” Daredevil nodded. “Well, I can’t say I miss you trying to kill me nine ways to Sunday, but … it’s weird out there without you.” “Ten minutes,” the […]

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Repeat

January 28th 2014

Charlene opened the door and sat down in the passenger seat as instructed. She wasn’t nervous or the least bit hesitant as she met the assassin’s gaze. “I need you to kill Harold,” she started and his eyes narrowed immediately. “That commission was fulfilled,” he said in a measured voice. “I know,” she continued, almost […]

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Dreamer

January 27th 2014

Ian met the commander of the demon army at the top of the hill, his light blue eyes staring across the clearing into two red and glowing ones. “I will not drain you of your blood,” said the voice, low, dry, and booming with contempt, “but I shall take your hope – all of it. […]

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The Undercryptic Lexicon: Caption #7

January 26th 2014

What is the caption for this photograph? Tansy’s answer:  Horace could only see the thing through his camera lens, and it was getting disturbingly closer to Emily Ann. (Post your own answers and read the genius of others on the Tansy Undercrypt Facebook page here.)

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Home Cooking

January 25th 2014

Clementine woke from one of her favorite recurring dreams – the one where Double Stuf Oreos are discovered to cure cancer – and rose to greet the day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the two zombies in the front yard were easily dispatched by one of the launchers. “First, coffee, then […]

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Con

January 24th 2014

They gave him a wide berth as he entered Comic Con, letting him move quickly to the front of the line. At check-in, he tapped his hooves on the slate floor and flicked his tail excitedly. “Lucifer,” he said proudly to the volunteer, who looked him over briefly, rifled through an accordion file of registration […]

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Privileges

January 23rd 2014

The smackdown with Saruman aside, Gandalf the Gray would not have been allowed to enter The Prancing Pony to meet the hobbits; his service privileges had been revoked some time before. A heated wizarding argument on the exact inflection of High Elf intonement phrasing led to unrestrained drunken casting. Two full barrels of Dwarven stout […]

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Mean

January 22nd 2014

“She’s turned out mean,” they whispered, watching Margaret scream into her cell phone while driving away from the house. “She was a good kid,” came another observation. “There was a lot of promise,” a third voice murmured. Silence fell over the group – one part understanding and one part resignation. The world didn’t need any […]

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