Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy

Loyalty

April 30th 2014

Sara hated when people spoke about her brother; they couldn’t possibly know all that he had gone through and how he’d tried to turn his life around. “He’s not perfect,” she thought to herself as she listened, “but neither are you.” Sara suspected that, deep down, the others were afraid of him on a deeper […]

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Dotage

April 29th 2014

“I LOVE dogs,” Mrs Mallory squealed, moving so quickly over to the large cushion that he could not grab her elbow. “Uh, she’s very elderly; please don’t try to pet her,” Mr Grabow said, somewhat weakly (as he had a sinking feeling that the situation was already beyond his control). “And they love ME! Oh, […]

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Comingle

April 28th 2014

Fulton Wargler lived very comfortably with his two cats in the Victorian house on the hill. He lived rather uncomfortably with its resident spirit, one Mr Sophocles Leech (deceased 1848). Although the other residents of the town thought it appropriate and even a little delightful that two curmudgeonly bachelors should share the ornate and tastefully […]

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The Undercryptic Lexicon: Caption #20

April 27th 2014

What is the caption for this photograph? (Photographer unknown) Tansy’s answer: “Santa’s epic boredom leads to some risky behavior on the Polar Express.” (Post your own answers and read the genius of others on the Tansy Undercrypt Facebook page here.)

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Rapture

April 26th 2014

The Rapture failed to validate anyone’s belief system. So disappointing was it in terms of obvious grandeur that Fox News didn’t even run the story for six weeks. It seemed that, in every country around the globe, the homeless and unwashed had disappeared, also the illegals suffocating in locked steel containers, and the displaced by […]

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Leader

April 25th 2014

Charlie Brown walked into the party with one eye swollen, his clothing torn, and what appeared to be a bite mark on his arm. “What happened?” “Are you okay?” “You blockhead!” rose the cacophony of voices and he grimaced against the noise. “I’m all right,” he mumbled grimly. “I just … watch a whole bunch […]

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Mon Coeur

April 24th 2014

She handed him a stack of ancient letters tied carefully together with hair ribbon. “We met at the Swiss Federal Polytechnic in Zurich and fell in love; he was younger than I by almost 4 years,” Esther said quietly. Peter’s eyes grew wide as he read the return addresses. “My father (for reasons of his […]

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Orders

April 23rd 2014

They sat around the table, chatting casually about the old adage, “You are what you eat”, and making childish jokes about Little Debbies and footlong hot dogs. Eventually, the waiter returned and they took turns ordering the shrimp, the chicken, and the tofu. When it was Mindy’s turn, she looked each of her friends in […]

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Directions

April 22nd 2014

“I don’t know what your problem is!” the South Wind huffed. “I’m just trying to spice things up around here!” “Maybe we don’t want to be ‘spiced up’,” the North Wind retorted in a cold voice. “You and your tropical breezes; they make me sea sick.” “Hey, now,” the East began, “however you blow, just […]

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Evidence

April 21st 2014

“Well, that’s it, then,” Lieutenant Harris said, pulling a sheet up over the victim. “Sadly, yes,” Detective Forell replied. “The game they were playing was building to a crescendo … and someone had to lose.” “Traffic was murder,” the coroner sighed, arriving late to the scene. “What have we got?” “Colonel Mustard in the library […]

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