Tansy Undercrypt
Author, Illustrator, Purveyor of Doom & Whimsy

Letters from Management #5

January 31st 2016

Office of the Headmaster Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Cloaking Moors
United Kingdom My dear Mr. Snape, It is not uncommon for the Sorting Hat to enter into a conundrum about a student, which is exactly the situation in which we find ourselves in the selection of your house. Certainly, a split between houses is […]

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January 30th 2016

Mitzi Wonderpants, having renamed herself “Viper”, sat out by the fence waiting for the others and swishing her tail. In time, Norbert (who could find no other name but “Norbert” for himself) waddled up. “Sorry, Mitz … uh … Viper,” he said nervously. “I got distracted. Found a sparkle ball in the corner.” Her eyes […]

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January 29th 2016

When Death arrived, Moira Laherty was sitting up and waiting. “Before we go,” she said, setting her knitting aside and patting the comforter to indicate that he should sit, “I’d like to talk through what I noticed when Bertie, Graham, and a bunch of the others passed.” Death sat, more out of surprise than a […]

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January 28th 2016

“Wreaths are ideal, actually,” the ghost trapper said. “The ideal shape for a snare is round [ectoplasm gets stuck in corners] and it should be made of natural materials.” He showed her a stack of old Christmas wreaths and others he had made from vines. “Next, I add a source of light – but not […]

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January 27th 2016

“Let me get this straight, ma’am,” the officer said. “You built a tiny house replica of your office – your place of work – out on the back corner of your property here, set it on fire, and made s’mores?” “Yes, that’s right,” Teresa said. “Today was my last day and I really needed to […]

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January 26th 2016

The monster, alive in the frozen wastes (if you can call such a creature “alive”), garnered the trust of the animals who survived there – those things of like mind that were focused on survival against all odds. It could not love them, its heart (that traitor in its chest) long given over to despair, […]

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January 25th 2016

“Honestly, I don’t know why we keep coming here; the coffee is terrible,” she said, irritated. “Every single cup has a ton of grounds in it.” She made a face and excused herself to go to the bathroom. He watched her leave, then reached across the table for her mug. The grounds at the bottom […]

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Letters from Management #4

January 24th 2016

Department of Motor Vehicles Gotham City Mr. Bruce Wayne, Road cameras have recently tracked an unmarked vehicle onto your property. This vehicle, make and model unknown, does not have license plates properly mounted (front and rear) and does not display current tabs. If this vehicle (black, possible Corvette) leaves your property again without plates and/or […]

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January 23rd 2016

The virus took the village in less than 48 hours and when, as zombies, they rushed the castle on that third night, it was a bloodbath – the happy, friendly, direction-giving guards providing no actual protection. Of the princesses at the state dinner, only five had seen actual combat and garnered some survival skills. Jasmine […]

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January 22nd 2016

They sat just up from Lookout Point in a dense snuggle of pines, peering into the cars. “Oh … oh … he’s trying it,” said the werewolf, noticing that one of the couples was moving to Second Base. “And … DENIED!” he snorted, rolling onto his back and laughing. “Yeah, you could see that coming […]

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