Gossip

Burt walked slowly around the cemetery and sat down on the bench in his usual spot. The breeze was gentle and the sun was sporadic and none-too-hot, so he removed his hat and unpacked his lunch. "Hey, all," he said. "It's Burt." He didn't want to assume there wasn't a newbie somewhere within earshot. "Got all of the latest gossip." It was not, in fact, true that Burt had "the latest" or really any gossip; he knew it, but wanted to give the visit a little zing. "Check this out," Burt opened, intending to build some energy. "A loaf of bread is $3.99. THREE NINETY NINE. Feel free to do some spinnin' in there." Pleased with his icebreaker, Burt continued, presenting the year, the weather, community events, random sports updates, and his weekly review of Things That Were Going South. "Do you have family out there?" someone would ask when he shared his routine with people. "No, but I'm pretty sure that boredom is the glue that holds all of us together (living and dead), and I want to help where I can."